Writer / Reader / Fandom Extraordinaire
Chiara / March 8, 2016 , Tue / writing

“We’ll need some form of identification,” he says, looking at me like I’m trying to hide who I am somehow.

I blanch for a moment because I know that I’ve got so many cards on me – too many. I’ve got every card I own, and they’re not in my wallet. For some reason they’re all in the pocket of my jeans.

I reach my hand inside my pocket, and cards upon cards upon cards fall out into my fingers. But I can’t see my licence. I can see my high school student cards, all five of them. Twelve year old me through to seventeen year old me. But they’re not me anymore. I see my university student card, where I’m still seventeen but I’m in what I thought was the real world. I can’t find my freaking licence.

“I’m so sorry,” I say, anxiety creeping in on the edges of my voice. My hands shake, and some of my cards fall through the gaps between my fingers and onto the floor. “I can’t find it.”

He leans forward, looking into my hands where all those past mes stare up at us, smiling. “One of these will do, it’s just for your name.” And then he’s picking up my tenth grade student card, and I want to scream at him ‘but that’s not me!’, but I just stare at him. I know he needs my ID, what does it matter if it’s from the past or the present? But it feels wrong. It feels so wrong.

He looks at the picture of me, and I’m fourteen or fifteen, depending on when it was taken. I’ve got brown hair and a wispy fringe, and I don’t even look like myself.

“That’s fine, you can go through,” he says, handing it back to me.

But it isn’t me. It isn’t me.

That was actually a dream I had last night. I am quite excellent at remembering my dreams :D They’re not always so normal, though. My dreams are often wild things, and their meanings are pretty unclear (if they even have meanings, that is). But this one felt real.

Do you remember your dreams? Share one with me!

(Also: would you like this to be a thing? Where I write out my dreams and you read them? Let me know, loves.)

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6 Responses to who am i?

  1. This is heartbreaking & fascinating at the same time. I feel that it would make a beautiful scene in a novel, but perhaps that is just my active imagination? (I’m thinking alternate universes where this girl carries around her identity cards from each universe? Maybe she’s in a military family, but rather than being stationed in different countries, her mom/dad is stationed in different universes.)

    I don’t know. I’m spinning stories here, as I tend to do. ;) But regardless – this is lovely, Chiara. Would love to see more of these. xx

    • Chiara says:

      Thank you so much for your kind words, Topaz. And I feel honoured that they were able to spur you onto spinning a story. And a wonderful sounding story at that :D

      I’m so glad you liked it <3 And I will try to post more! Although my dreams tend to be nonsensical things. I dreamed that I was caught in a tidal wave at a university field trip two nights ago, haha.

  2. Lenna Herron says:

    This such an interesting idea! Kimd of like a whole new level of personal experience to inspire you… it would make a really good scene in a future book.
    Have a great day!

  3. Romi says:

    This… made me kinda sad. It seems like a stressful situation (and dreams can often excacerbate stressful situations) and I felt the urgancy that lay beneath it, and the questions that came with it, and I don’t know if this was a good dream or a bad dream or *just a dream* for you, but it definitely has a note of sadness to it, for me. *hugs* It’s also an interesting concept, though, becauseit questions who you (as in a general “you”) are and how your old selves are different and whilst they can be a part of who you are now, they aren’t really you, anymore. I feel like there are so many different ways this could be explored.

    xx

    • Chiara says:

      We texted about this, but again: it was just a dream! I didn’t want up feeling especially under the weather or anything <3

      It is interesting! Which is why I decided to post it, because I think we all go through a few evolution of ourselves. It could definitely be something I would enjoy exploring more.

      <3

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